“You’re okay?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine.”

“Liar.”

“What do you want me to say?” Epi whispered. It was easier to talk with Nick tucked behind him. He found it impossible to say anything truthful with people looking at him, studying him for weakness, but tucked there under a strong arm, his head resting against Nick, he was able to at least try. “Want me to say that every day I hate that I wake up? That I hate myself for still loving him? That I hate myself for even considering forgiving him? There’s nothing I can say to make any of this shit better so yeah, I’m fine and I’m lying but I’m still here.”

The honesty surprised Nick and his hand tightened its grip on Epi’s stomach. “I like that you’re still here.” The hitched feel of Epi’s breath below his fingers sent tingles along Nick’s nerves. “You lie all you need to, just stay here.”

The hand on his stomach drifted higher. If it had been Timothy behind him Epi would have had little doubt where that quiet touch was leading but it wasn’t his lost lover. “Nick…” He sighed a warning but the hand slipped higher across his chest up to brush across cloth covered collarbones before pausing. “We can’t…I…” He heard himself saying.

Nick swallowed hard and forced his hand to slid back down to the flat of Epi’s stomach. It wasn’t much safer ground but it kept him tilting Epi’s head back and kissing him, slipping the slender body below his own, touching more boldly. “Sorry.”

“I don’t do casual.” He confessed.

Epi’s shoulders hunched up and he half curled away from Nick but Nick didn’t let go.

“I’ve tried, I just can’t. The last one night stand I had was Tori and I still haven’t figured out how to get rid of him.”

He heard the mocking undertone but didn’t like it. “I didn’t mean…I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“No…” If Epi was going to be honest, Nick was going to try. “Don’t be, it’s a good thing, I just…I’m missing that gene I think. A hot guy in my arms and I can’t seem to help myself from trying. The more I know of you…I’ll try to behave.”

That made him frown. “I’ve never imagined I’d say this to a guy like you but I can’t. Maybe I’m an idiot and I deserve to die from celibacy but I don’t want you to…just because I’m here and…and…a sure thing because you know…beggars shouldn’t be choosers.”

“You aren’t a beggar.”

“You haven’t seen me naked.”

That made Nick chuckle because he had seen a good number of Epi’s scars and none of them mattered to him. “Billy wanted to do you. Asked if I would mind if he paid you a visit.”

“Now who’s lying.” Epi laughed too but his own hand slipped up to cover Nick’s.

“I’m not. I swear.”

“Yeah, of course. Help me up the steps, my legs there and I have to piss like a race horse.” He snatched up the remote and turned off the dvd before it showed a scene he wasn’t sure he wanted Nick to see. The last thing the man needed to know was that he was a total slut for dark chocolate coconut ice cream.

 

His robe was old and pilled but Epi loved it. It had been large on him when he’d been healthy and now he nearly swam in the bulk of the robes folding warmth but that felt good. The flannel pants, loose long sleeve cotton shirt and thick socks all helped raise his comfort level to a very happy high. Epi made the trip into the living with the wheeled cart pushed a little in front of him. He was taking it slow so his coffee didn’t slosh out everywhere and with that care both his food and his person made it to the sofa intact.

With a happy sigh he dropped himself onto the cushions and propped the crutches near by. His glasses, phone and remote were all within easy reach and he flipped on the tv as he got his glasses out. It took a few buttons but he soon had that mornings holiday parade he’d set the dvr to tape playing.

When the phone rang, he almost didn’t answer it. It was only seeing that the number than made him push the button. “Hello, Tori.”

“Baby! Happy Thanksgiving!”

“Happy Thanksgiving to you too, how’s Colorado?”

“Cold but Dil is having a great time. You should have come with us.”

“Yeah well, that would have sucked. I would have been depressed and you’d have felt like you needed to baby sit me and it would have been awful.”

“Yeah but now you’re all alone. I feel bad.”

“Why? I’m comfortable, curled on the sofa with this really amazing hazelnut spice coffee with a really huge slice of pumpkin pie for breakfast, at one in the afternoon watching this morning’s parade I was too lazy to get up to see. It’s quiet and perfect.”

“Yeah but no family and no turkey.”

“I have four frozen turkey dinners in the freezer and I’m sure one of my siblings will call today after they’ve had their own dinner and if they don’t, oh well.”

“Epi…”

“I’m good, really, I’m good. I’m going to eat an entire pie today, I’m sure.”

“Are you sure?”

Epi could hear voices and what sounded like a party in the background. “I’m sure. I’m fi… I’m okay.” He couldn’t bring himself to lie and say he was fine but he was okay. “Really, now go, enjoy yourself. It has to be better than hospital food like last year.”

“Oh god, that was awful!”

Epi chuckled. “Yeah it was. Go, I’ve got pie and parades, what more could a man ask for?”

“I’ll call you later and you call me any time, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Love you.”

“I love you too, Tori, now goodbye!” The sentiment was a bit more than his bravado could handle and he hung up before any doubt or emotion could creep into his voice. If Tori heard his voice waver it was likely the man would hop on a plane and fly home.

For all his words, the afternoon was a moody one. Epi sat on his sofa wrapped in his comfortable layers with his coffee and pie and an ever changing display of cats sleeping on him. As the parade wound down the house seemed very quiet and very, very empty. It went from a comforting aloneness to an oppressive silence. He was just starting to feel pretty miserable when the kitchen door opened.

“Epi?” Nick called out. “You here?”

“No I went to Cancun to go surfing.”

“Just for that no food for you.” Nick came around the corner with a stack of plastic storage containers in one hand and one of Epi’s forks in the other.

“What?”

“Food, you know, real food.” He put the containers on the tv tray in front of Epi and started taking lids off.

“I thought you were spending Thanksgiving with your family at your sisters?”

“I did and I left.”

“But…”

“She pissed me off and our mom backed her and I didn’t want to listen to shit on the holiday. So I stole food for you and came home.”

“You didn’t have to do that, I have food.”

“That frozen crap, yeah I remember but this is homemade. Snitz and Knepp too, your favorite, turkey, potato filling, gravy, corn, the pickled vegetables is chow chow my sister made, shoofly pie and I stole some snickerdoodles too.”

“Wow, Nick…thanks.”

“No biggie, want me to heat anything up? It’s not really cold out but it’s a good half hour drive from her house.”

“No, it’s fine, thank you.”

“I’ll just get then.”

“No, stay. If you’d like… I made a pot of that hazelnut coffee, if you wanted to try it.”

Nick flashed a bright grin. “Yeah, I’ll grab a mug, want me to heat up yours?”

Epi nodded. He dug his fork into the hot food and took a bite as Nick disappeared back into the kitchen. It was good, not great but good, solid, real home cooked food but it was the sentiment behind it that choked him up. Nick had remembered him and come back with a real Thanksgiving meal. That broke through the thin shell of being okay better than Tori’s concern had. He swallowed the bite of food and the emotion before Nick returned with the coffee.

“Good?”

He nodded around another bite of food.

“I’ll give my family that, they can cook.” Nick settled back onto the sofa.

“What did they do to piss you off?”

“Huh? Oh just the normal why can’t you find a nice girl stupidity. My sister doesn’t want her boys to know I’m gay. I hate to break it to her but the odds of being gay go up if you’re a twin so if one of them turns into a nancy boy it’s not because of me.”  He rubbed his eyes. “She won’t let me alone with them. Still thinks I’m going to…hell I don’t know.”

“Idiots. I’m sorry.”

“Well, you had the right idea staying home. I wish I had a valid excuse for not going to family events.”

“How about that they’re rude?”

“Not good enough.” He grinned. “Why didn’t you go home?”

“Oh, parents are still abroad and my siblings and I haven’t ever been close. I could go but that would be awkward and uncomfortable even if the accident hadn’t happened now, well, you’d think I was some leper. They just don’t know what to do or say.” He shrugged. “Oh this stuffing is good.”

“I ate enough for three.” Nick confessed and felt the barely held in check anger at his family fade away as he sipped the really good coffee and watched Epi almost devour the food. “Hey, It’s A Wonderful Life is on, you like that movie?”

Epi shrugged. “Don’t mind it.”

“Okay if I put it on?”

“Sure.” He didn’t care, Epi suddenly didn’t care at all so long as he wasn’t left alone.

He finished the food as the movie started and pushed the messy tray to the side. Epi let the sofa pull him back to rest comfortably, coffee in one hand. Without asking, without needing to ask, one of Nick’s arms came around his shoulders and pulled Epi to lean back and half snuggle against him.

“This okay?” Nick asked softly.

Epi wasn’t sure it was but he wouldn’t have pushed away from Tori. “Yeah.”

“I miss Aunt Minnie.” Nick finally confessed. “She made it okay when my family was stupid.”

“I’m sorry, Nick, I forgot this is your first year without her.”

“She would have liked you. She would have thought you were a smart ass but she would have liked you.”

“I bet I would have liked her too.”

“We always watched movies and she’d have cookies just for us. So after all the family stress we’d come home.”

“Timothy and I tried the family thing a couple of times. Well, you’ve met his parents and my siblings are difficult. He’d often have to work Thanksgiving dinner so we started doing a brunch for friends and we’d have our meal together the day after. It was nice.”

“Sad pair aren’t we?”

“Sad? How can we be with good pie and coffee and a sappy old movie?” He wasn’t feeling the least bit cheerful but hearing the echo of loneliness and grief in Nick’s normally strong voice bothered him. He could fake it for a little while if only to make his friend smile a little.

“You’re right. You’re prettier to look at than Aunt Minnie was, smell better too.”

Epi dug an elbow into Nick’s ribs. “Shut up.”

“Ow.” He laughed but as he pulled away from the bony elbow he pulled Epi tighter against him. “Careful the coffee… settle down.”

“Wimp.” But he was smiling now and he let Nick pull him closer. It didn’t feel like it had with Timothy and it definitely wasn’t like snuggling with Tori but it was good and he needed good to make it through the holiday.

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