Something tickled at Val’s mind and forcefully pulled him up from a warm and sound sleep. He mumbled but whatever was nudging him from sleep didn’t go away. With a sigh he cracked his eyes open and quickly squinted them shut again, the one lamp beside the bed was turned on. After the dark of the night, the dim glow seemed brilliant.

He tried again and pried his eyes open, this time, ready for the annoying light, he was able to focus. There wasn’t much to focus on, except for the fact that Trist sat awake and hovering near by. The slender man was biting his nails and studying Val as if he wasn’t sure what he was seeing was solid or not.

“Hey.” Val whispered and saw Trist flinch.

The nail he’d been chewing on popped out of Trist’s mouth. “Why are you here?”

Val was too sleepy still and too groggy to play word games. “Because the hospital called me and I didn’t think you’d want to stay there.”

“But, why are you being nice to me?” He whispered and couldn’t meet Val’s eye.

There was a seriousness to Trist’s voice that Val was too groggy to match, he yawned. The question was too deep, too close to home. “Are you hungry? I can make us some pancakes?”

Trist studied the sleepy man still yawning and squinting before he nodded. “I’m starving. Val, I…”

“Food first, then talk.” He muttered and rubbed his eyes, stretched his arms out and rolled to sit up. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

Val scratched and groaned and staggered still half asleep into the kitchen. Coffee was in order, desperately in order, that was the first thing he’d have to do or there would be no conversation. He’d end up feeding Trist and falling back to sleep without coffee.

Pancakes were one of the foods Val could make without thinking. Which was good because the smell of coffee didn’t do squat to shake the groggy sleep feeling from him. Even Trist’s nerves glances and his continued chewing on his nails did little to shock Val awake. He just felt exhausted, worn out, needing sleep and rest and a very long vacation.

It didn’t take long until he slid a plate of pancakes toward Trist, sipping on his own steaming mug. There was a moments pause before Trist dug in and practically inhaled the hot cakes, barely chewing. Val had only managed to down half his mug of coffee before the plate was pushed away.

“Want more?”

Trist shook his head no.

“How’re you feeling?” He glanced to the clock on the wall. It was nearly four in the morning, he doubted either of them would get back to sleep tonight.

“Better.” Trist glanced away. “How’s Gavan?”

“Alive, they think he’ll be okay.”

Trist deflated, all the strength pooled out of him and he dropped his head into his hands. “God, I, they kept saying he was going to die because of me. I couldn’t, I, it was to much. What day is it?” He pulled his head back up.

“Saturday, well, Sunday now.”

“Only a day, it’s only been a day. It felt like weeks.”

“Trist, what happened?” The police had asked to speak to Trist, Val had stalled them. He really hadn’t expected the man to come around as quickly as he had.

“I don’t know, Val, my memory isn’t the best. I, there were men and Gavan yelled at them and a gun and blood. I remember screaming but not much more.” He glanced up and saw only earnest concern in Val. “I’ve been a real bastard to you, you should hate me.”

Val shrugged. “Neither of us said it was more then what it was.”

“There’s very little in my life,” Trist started slowly, picking words with care. “That I can count on. Most days it feels like if I glance down the sky will change colors when I’m not looking at it. For the most part, I know how this stupid sight of mine works. I pick things off of people, I hear voices, occasionally I’ve visions.”

There was a pause, Val wasn’t sure if Trist was looking for reassurance that he was being understood or if he was just gathering thoughts. “Okay.”

“The visions always happen, always, unless something changes. That night, the nightmare I had, wasn’t just a dream. I saw you being killed.” Those were words difficult to force out, suddenly he felt embarrassed at sharing. “In my vision, I knew you were going to be killed because I’d helped you. Val, I, God, I’m sorry. I had to ignore you.”

“But, why tell me now? Why not to tell me before?” Val felt a little light headed, it all was too much.

“It won’t make any sense to you. I know when something is current or not, I know when a vision is still active, it has a different flavor inside my head. Things have changed, Gavan wasn’t supposed to be the one that got shot. He did, things are different, you’re different, I’m different.” Trist drew lines in the left over syrup on his plate with the tines of his fork, anything to keep from looking at Val.

“So, why didn’t you see that Gavan was going to be hurt?” Val set his coffee down, leaning closer to Trist now, letting some of his resentful hurt fade away.

“I didn’t see it. I don’t see everything! I’m pretty useless.” He smiled weakly.

“Don’t say that.”

“Why? It’s the truth. What’s the point in having to deal with all this shit if I can’t even see clearly enough to tell Gavan to make a right instead of a left. I try, I really do but it’s never clear. It’s not like I saw that if I don’t help you Gavan will get shot and if I did help you, he’d be fine but your head would get blown off.” The fork made scraping noises as the patterns continued to change.

“I thought,” it sounded weak, vulnerable and stupid in his head but Val plunged ahead. too tired, too stressed to even bother trying to censor himself. “I thought you were annoyed at seeing me, that I should have faded away like a proper one night stand.”

Trist’s face twisted up, he knew he’d been an unforgivable bastard. “We should leave it there, you’ll find someone who can make you happy, sooner or later. My life, well, it’s not quite sane.” He dropped the fork from his fingers and let it clatter to the plate.

Val slid the plate away, setting it into the sink. “My life is much too sane, I think.” He whispered out, his back to Trist. “I enjoy being around you.” He sucked in his breath and held it, waiting for the emotional punch to the gut that being so vulnerable had to create.

It wasn’t fair! It was hard enough to be honest and honorable without Val practically throwing himself at him. “Val, I can’t remember the last day. I feel sick from the meds they pumped into me and I’m pretty sure the only reason I’m not screaming and pulling my hair out now is because I’m still far too drugged. I can’t even go into a clothing store to buy jeans most days without loosing it. Every time I have a bad fit, another bit of my mind snaps off and wanders away. I’ll be mindless and drooling in a corner by the time I’m forty. There is no happy endings for me and you, you’re amazing, you deserve a thousand happy endings.”

It was easier to talk like this, with his back to Trist and not having to meet those raw honest eyes. “I’ve never been one to want a fairy tale and mental illness doesn’t scare me.”

Trist growled. “Damn it, Val! I’m trying to be noble here! I’m trying to do what’s right! Because I can’t fucking make it alone until Gavan’s better and I can’t fucking go live with my aunt either. I’m a selfish prick, if you let me, I’ll take advantage of you!”

“Maybe,” he was a fool. A total crazy, mad fool with no intelligence and he deserved whatever it brought him. He should just stay with his safe, quiet books. “Maybe it’s not taking advantage. Maybe, I need you as much as you need me.” He glanced over then and caught the startled, hungry longing in the odd eyes. “I’m lonely too and I’m tired of fighting, tired of being alone, of feeling empty.”

“Val.” The whispered name was a prayer, a hope deeper then any he’d be able to express.

“Come on, let’s try to get some more sleep. We’ll figure things out tomorrow. Would you like to go over and see Gavan?” He dumped the half a mug of coffee into the sink.

Could it be so easy? Could Val just walk in and fit his life so seamlessly? “I can’t, hospitals are too much for me. Could we call?”
“Of course.” Val’s feet paused. It had been so much easier when Trist was still hazy and lost inside his own mind.

“I’m cold, do you mind if I steal your body heat?” Trist was yawning now, his stomach full, his conscious eased and only the cold worried fear over Gavan pulling him down.

That resolved Val’s uncertainty about just where he should sleep. If he was being honest, he slept a thousand times better when Trist was curled up beside him. “You don’t need to steal it, I’ll give it to you.”

“Oh God, that’s sickeningly cute, I might puke.”