Val was grateful he’d agreed to meet Maria over morning coffee. He’d slept uneasily, the bed feeling oddly too large and too empty to be comfortable and he really didn’t want to think about why. He was more then ready to leave to make his appointment.

The bus ride kept him busy, watching people, watching the landscape slide by in the cold morning light. For some reason, Maria wanted to meet him at a coffee house across town from the morgue. It wasn’t even close to the small single family home she owned with Edward, her artist husband. On the phone, she’d made no explanation as to why she’d picked such a distant place but the hour was early enough that they could have a cup of coffee before she’d have to get to work.

The shop turned out to be nice, smaller, and friendly. It was locally owned, not some over done chain store, and the place smelled wonderful. The hot, scented air wafted out into the cold street and the morning rush hurried in and out. Val found Maria near the counter, reading a newspaper. Her black hair was pulled back to fall in waving tumbles down her back and again, he admired her strong beauty.

“Sorry I’m late.” He started as he pushed closer around the crowd.

She glanced up and smiled. “Val!”

Before he could stop her, she’d pulled him into a hug and kissed the side of his face. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, fine, and you’re not late, I got here early.” She pushed a paper cup filled with coffee at him. “Come on, let’s go where we can talk.”

He nodded and followed but she didn’t go to a table. Instead, she led them around the counter and back to an office. The door closed automatically behind them.

“Are we supposed to be here?”

She smiled warmly and dropped into a chair. “My brother owns the joint, it’s okay. You look well, have you and Kelly set a new date yet?”

Another person he was supposed to have remembered to call. “Not really.”

“What’s happened?”

“She, sort of, left me.” He sipped his coffee to make it easier to say.

“Oh, Val, I’m so sorry. If you’re really single again, you should call my baby sister. She’s a bit of a firecracker but you’d like her. She’s an English major. Stop dating those prissy white women and date a Latina this time, do you some good.” She smiled to take the sting out of the words but cringed because Edward had been right, the marriage was never going to happen.

Val shook his head. “Thanks, but, I’ve some things to sort out. Things I’ve been avoiding dealing with for too long, I’m going to take some time off.” If time off meant begging another man to take him, use him, fuck him, sure, he was taking time off.

Maria leaned over and patted Val’s arm. “Good, get your head straight. The offer stands though, call me if you want to meet her.”

He managed to smiled a little. “Thanks, Maria. How’s Edward and Missy doing?”

“Fine, Edward’s busy as always and Missy is doing wonderfully.” Now it was her turn to glance down. “Val, about what you asked me for?”

“Yes?”

“I’m not comfortable doing this.”

“I have a right to see their results.”

“Oh, I know you’ve the right but, have you ever seen an autopsy, Val?”

“No, but I know what occurs during one.”

“It’s not something a family member should see. It’s graphic, ugly, you won’t ever get the pictures out of your mind. I don’t think you should be doing this.” She pulled the file from her case but held onto the thick envelope.

“I need to do this, Maria, I just need to make sure nothing was missed.”

“Why? Tell me why?”

He opened his mouth but saying the psychic that he’d babysat all weekend mentioned something being wrong didn’t seem like the smartest thing to say. “I need to do this to let it go. She’d do the same for me.”

That got the folder from Maria’s hand to the top of the desk. Her hand stayed on it. “I still think it’s a bad idea but I owe you way more then this. What you did for Missy, that was magic, I can’t begin to repay you.” She slid the folder over to him.

“Thank you Maria.”

“No, don’t.” She held up her hand. “Don’t thank me for giving you nightmares. I just hope you find some peace when you’re done with this. Missy wants to know when you’ll be finally accepting another invitation to dinner? She misses you, we all do. You know, you’re welcome at our house any time.”

He nodded. “I’m sorry, I just haven’t been feeling very social lately.”

She patted his shoulder. “Understandably. Tell me, you didn’t ride your bike over here in this cold, did you?”

“No, I took the bus.” He pulled the yellow envelope tight to his chest.

“Want a lift back?” She glanced to her watch. “I should have time.”

“I’m fine. Thanks for the offer and seriously, thanks for getting these files so quickly.”

“You’re welcome, and Val? I’m sorry about Kelly. She’s a fool to let a good man like you get away.”

He tried to smile and nod and take the compliment but it fell flat. His only hope was that she would see it as the grief over the broken relationship and not guilt over the truth of things.

Safely back in his apartment, Val made breakfast and eyed the sealed folder sitting on his counter as if it were a dangerous animal. He wanted to open it, wanted to dive in and be cold and scientific about it but that was easier said then done. Food was a good way to stall, and coffee afterwards.

An hour later, as he hung over his toilet retching breakfast back up, it no longer seemed like a good idea. Just sorting the papers, sketches and photos out into piles and sections had been enough to turn his stomach inside out. It would have been easier to shove them back into their envelope and forget following the crazy hunch from people that had to be crazy. Val wasn’t one to do easy things, he washed his mouth out, brewed some settling mint tea and carefully sat down to read.

It became easier when he started thinking of the reports clinically. The damage reported, the broken bones and torn flesh, didn’t belong to Violet but someone else. Easier didn’t mean easy and over the course of the next two days he became ill several times. There was only so much he could stomach seeing and reading and he happily took breaks away from the reports. Even while he was studying them, he found excuses to step away. He wasn’t medically trained and while his knowledge was greater then most people’s, he wasn’t expert. The formal terms used in the official reports required a great deal of cross referencing and research for them to become something Val was able to understand. Generally, the picture the long terms painted was a grim one.

By late afternoon Thursday, Val had a pretty good idea of what it was in the report that he had been sent looking for. There was only one logical conclusion, if what he was reading was correct and the conclusion wasn’t one that brought him any comfort. It was too much to accept so the only proper assumption was that the report was mistaken, and he’d been sent to see the mistake was corrected before others one day came to the same conclusions he had.

There was only one way to know which it was, and that was to go back to see Trist and ask him. It should be easy, he was comfortable around the scattered man. The fact that they’d slept together shouldn’t change anything. It had been Trist’s idea to look into this in the first place. They were comforting lies and Val was good at accepting comforting lies.

It took two tries, his finger hovering over the button but refusing to push it and ring the bell, before he gained the courage. Inside the apartment, he heard the bell ring and he almost turned to return to the safety of the elevator and his own apartment before the door could be opened. He was just about to leave, instead of ringing the bell again, when the door was roughly pulled open.

“What?” Trist snapped, his hand rubbing his eyes but when he glanced up to see Val standing in his doorway, the sharpness dulled. “Oh.”

All words left Val’s mind. Trist was wearing loose black pants and bright red fuzzy socks. He’d pulled on a purple t-shirt with an oatmeal colored sweater that was easily four sizes too big for him over it. There was a line of tension between the odd eyes and obvious stress in the line of his shoulders.

The sight of the slender man stole Val’s breath, robbed him of all skill to even think. All he wanted to do was tumble forward and bury his face against the other’s body. He just wanted to touch Trist again, if never anything more, just a soft casual touch and for a moment he thought he saw the same want in Trist’s eyes. He must have been mistaken because the softened warmth fled and was replaced by cold annoyance, a look Trist expressed well.

“Hello.” Val managed to force out. “Mind if I come in?”

Trist made no move to open the door more or step aside. “Now’s not a good time.”

“Oh.” Val glanced down and wished he had run. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think, you have a client. I’ll be back later.”

“No client.” Trist shook his head. “Just busy. What did you want?”

“I… well, you were right. I got their autopsy reports, there’s something odd in it.”

“And what’s this have to do with me?” He arched an eyebrow and tried to look bored.

“Well, I was hoping, thinking, you’d like to see. Maybe it’ll make more sense to you then it does me.”

Trist glanced to the papers Val clutched. “I don’t have my appointment book memorized, call me and we’ll set up something. Though, I have to admit, I’m booked pretty full for the next month or more. But I’ll keep you in mind in case there’s a cancellation. Why don’t you call me, I’ll pencil you in.”

The annoyance was plain in the tone that washed over Val. He suddenly felt incredibly stupid. Gavan had tried to warn him, Trist did things he thought other people needed. The time they’d shared had simply been about that, there was nothing truly personal about it. He was a fool to assume it had meant anything and now, here he stood, assuming too much and being a nuisance. No one liked a one night stand that didn’t properly fade away.

The reality was like a fist to his stomach and Val actually buckled a little under the pain. He felt himself blushing as he nodded his head vigorously. “I’m sorry, I misunderstood.”

Trist waved a hand. “It’s okay, happens all the time. Should I pencil you in?”

Val shook his head. “No, no, it’s okay. I’m sorry, I just, it’s just I thought what with us and I’m sorry. I took it to be more then it was, apparently. I won’t bother you again.” He ducked his head and hurried down the hallway, needing with near panic desire, to reach the safe haven of his own apartment.

Trist watched Val hurry away. He shut the apartment door to keep from following, to keep from begging forgiveness. Being cruel and cold may be something he was able to fake well, but all he felt at having to push Val away was pain, deep, cutting pain. For as much as seeing the confused, self hating embarrassed expression Val had worn as he’d turn to go hurt Trist, knowing Val would be killed if he helped him hurt more.

He slid down the closed door and hid his head in his arms. “I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry!” He whispered out but knew that even if Val knew his reasons, there was no forgiving how horribly cruel he’d just been. “I won’t lead you to harm, I won’t!”